Filled with deepest joy
It was in 1980 that my parents and we three children became students of Sri Chinmoy. From the perspective of a child it looked like this: I remember that my parents were going to different spiritual groups and they often took me along to these meetings. I was always very impressed by the atmosphere, the light-coloured clothing and the many nice people. Nevertheless, I sometimes started crying without any apparent reason. Something didn’t quite seem right, I guess…
We became vegetarians and went once a week to one of the small and, at the time, few health food stores in our town. One day, my father was magnetically drawn to a book entitled Meditation that was displayed in the window of a bookstore. My parents were so thrilled by the simplicity and truth of this book that they mailed the postcard (inserted in the book) to the indicated address. We were informed that there was a couple with a child in Augsburg whom we could contact.
This was the beginning of countless meetings, sometimes in Augsburg, sometimes in Munich. I was 7 years old at the time. I will never forget counting on my fingers how many times I had been to Augsburg already. My heart was jumping with joy every time we met. And I loved this family: Projjwal, Karali and Aruna. Most of the time I was playing with Aruna while the others meditated or were absorbed in obviously deep conversations. But when Projjwal and Karali came to our place (and we children really should have been in bed by then), I listened to the conversations, sitting on the bottom of the stairs. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I loved it. I loved the people, I loved the vibrations, I loved the conversations, I simply loved everything… and I was always filled with deepest joy.
Some time later, our family picture was sent to New York so Sri Chinmoy could meditate on it to see if we were meant to be his disciples, and soon after my father travelled there for the first time. He brought back my first 'real' sari. (Before that, we were only wearing curtain fabric!) I will never forget the indescribable joy – almost delight – I experienced!
A few months later, our Master visited Switzerland. That was the first time I saw Guru. He walked by me and smiled. I was a little surprised because his skin colour was unfamiliar, but his smile immediately won me over. Then Guru gave prasad to the children: a plastic heart. This heart is still my little treasure. When I stood right in front of Guru, he brushed my hair to the side and looked at my name tag. He asked me all kinds of things. I did not understand a word, but Projjwal, who stood behind Guru, answered Guru’s questions. I did not want to ever leave Guru’s presence.
I had a happy childhood, and this happiness continuously grew thanks to the incredible grace that allowed me to come to Guru in my childhood years. At that time, Guru showered us children with outer attention and gifts. The teenage years were not always easy, but I knew: “Guru comes first in my life – always. And this truth protected me during all my school years – and still does today! In my almost 30 years as a disciple I have had so many inner and outer, challenging and happy experiences. My life is rich, inwardly rich. And I am infinitely, infinitely grateful to Guru that he brought me to him.
This is where I have to go
by Shashanka Karlen
At the age of 18, I left college. I was very critical of the development of society, did not get any inspiration from school and was quite into drugs. I was wondering what life was all about, but did not get any satisfactory answers from people I talked to.
I worked for some months at the central post office in Zurich and then went travelling for six months to India, Nepal, South East Asia and Australia. My travels showed me that there are very different lifestyles and attitudes towards life. I was not consciously looking for spirituality at that time. Certain drugs seemed to show me that there are other worlds of perception. Once in Western Nepal I rented a small boat with a friend. The sun was setting behind the mountains and there was a beautiful glow of light. I was quite captivated by it. Suddenly I felt a very strong inner voice calling, "This is where I have to go, this is where I have to go, this is where I have to go." I did not pay too much attention to the experience then and continued my travels.
After my return and several temporary activities (military service, English language course, work at the post office again, travel to the Philippines), I finally decided to live in a tent in the forest in order to be as far away as possible from the society that I did not really want to support.
This is when God said "Enough!". I went to a Madal Bal health food store in Zurich, run by Sri Chinmoy's students - I was looking for a book on macrobiotics for no particular reason. I remember telling Shikha, who was managing the store at that time (1981), "I am out of everything." We had quite a long conversation and I finally decided to read the meditation book by Sri Chinmoy.
I quite liked it and everything somehow seemed to make sense. I found many answers to my questions. But I was quite critical because of some experiences I had had with disciples of another path who had wanted to sell me their books in an aggressive manner. So I said to myself that, before entering more closely into a group, I should read books by another Master.
I went back to the Madal Bal store and bought a book by Sri Aurobindo. I read only a short paragraph every day because it was difficult to understand, but I slowly realised for myself that there were two things I needed in life to become really happy: meditation and a spiritual Master. I then thought that I would have to go to India, as in my opinion all the Masters lived in India. I went to another bookstore and searched for a book about spiritual Masters in India. Interestingly enough, none of the descriptions really appealed to me.
I continued to go to the Madal Bal store about once every two weeks and one day Shikha said, "Why don’t you come to a public meditation in the Centre on Saturday?" I went, and the moment I stepped into the Centre I felt: "This is it." At the end of the evening I applied to become a disciple of Sri Chinmoy.
Some months later I had a very clear and deep dream which I felt was my initiation. Deep inside me a light started to glow and then started to grow in circles very rapidly until my whole being was only light, the most brilliant and almost blinding light.
I simply have more joy in life
by Magdalena
Vienna, Austria
In spite of a pretty turbulent start with many obstacles, I am very happy to be on this path. I simply have more joy in life. My name is Magdalena. I am 45 years old and have been meditating with the Sri Chinmoy Centre in Vienna for three years. I would like to tell a little about my own experiences with Sri Chinmoy and the Vienna Centre.
I work as a nurse in a public hospital. From the beginning, one of my colleagues attracted my attention because of his unusual purity and gentleness. After a while I noticed that my consciousness was higher in his presence and I always had the feeling that he was somehow guiding me towards a spiritual path. I never spoke to him about it, though. After some time he quit working at the hospital and we lost contact.
At that time I was practising Hatha Yoga according to the teachings of "Yoga in daily life" by Paramahansa Swami Maheshwarananda. I was looking for a meditation class, since meditation was my weak point. I chose a meditation class offered by students of Sri Chinmoy. How surprised I was when I opened the door of the Sri Chinmoy Centre the night of the first class and my former colleague warmly welcomed me.
After having attended the meditation class several times I was very surprised that the highest spiritual discipline could harmonise perfectly with a Western lifestyle, with a job and everything that involves – and not just in theory. When I got to know several disciples of Sri Chinmoy, I realised that they lived true spirituality in this place, Vienna’s inner city!!! I was very impressed.
In the beginning of my spiritual life I unfortunately met with strong resistance on the part of my family and my children. The fact that I had an Indian Master, whom we usually call Guru (a Sanskrit word that simply means the one who leads from darkness to light), was too much for them. It is actually very understandable that doubts and fears arise, because everywhere you hear wild stories about exploitative sects and false teachers. After my whole family besieged me with their doubts and fears, I started doubting as well. At least I was sure that this was a true Guru and a sincere and direct path, but how would I know if it was my path? "Is this path really meant for me?" - That was my big question initially.
I loved the philosophy, the Guru and the disciples, but the lifestyle, hmm… Even though I was a vegetarian, did not drink alcohol or smoke and did not have a partner – and was actually very happy living that way – my mind vehemently rejected the idea that it had to be like that from now on. Looking back, I can only laugh about it. I knew that there were also rules for the closer disciples at the Maheshwarananda Ashram and that a certain amount of spiritual discipline is required for every authentic path (for example, to meditate every morning). Still, it took me some time to be able to accept this fact.
Only after a while did I understand why Sri Chinmoy wants us to adopt this kind of lifestyle and to ‘renounce‚ certain things. It makes sense that, if we want to have higher spiritual experiences, we cannot numb ourselves with alcohol. After all, we want to wake up and realise the truth and not descend into the unconscious. In the same way other problematic topics started making sense to me after I read quite a bit about those topics and started dealing with them. I realised that Sri Chinmoy simply wanted to create a path for those ready to run very fast, without detours and distractions, towards their highest goal. Sri Chinmoy’s disciples are grateful for every small clue as well as the discipline that enables them to reach their goal as soon as possible. There will always be people who will not like the guidelines of a spiritual group and will therefore leave after a while. Of course, everyone is free to decide if he or she wants to lead such a one-pointed life or to give it up at any moment to return to the old lifestyle. For me, this question does not arise any more. I know how much I am gaining from my spiritual life and I would not want to miss it for anything.
In a certain way my life has become simpler, because I feel strongly guided and have faith that the right thing will happen at the right moment. I have broadened my thinking and overcome some mental barriers, and now I do not consider anything to be impossible. We can achieve much more than we think we can.
In particular, when problems arise, I face them in a different way than before. For me, problems are nothing but experiences that offer me the possibility to grow. They are necessary for my development and will eventually lead me towards my destination. I have become more conscious of many inner changes that are taking place and I realise how much work is still ahead of me. With a clearer point of view I am also able to empathise more with other people – like my children, for example. Through my meditation I have developed more understanding and compassion toward them, and I can deal better with a lot of situations.
I am able to perceive and treasure the small and truly beautiful things that life offers. The blossoms of a tree or the beauty of the world, for example, evoke in me true feelings of happiness. I simply enjoy life much more than before, and this has a lot to do with my changed perception. My health has become much more important to me. I try to eat healthful food and practise sports regularly. My lifestyle has surely improved a lot since I started meditating.
In my eyes, Sri Chinmoy has become my spiritual father, who guides me inwardly, takes care of me, looks after my needs and concerns himself with my progress. I feel safe, loved and protected under his guidance. Even though not everything that happens in life is to my liking, I know that everything is for the best.
The warm family atmosphere and the feeling of oneness among Sri Chinmoy’s disciples attracted me from the beginning. They are no saints, of course; they are people like others, with their shortcomings and weaknesses, but they try to act from their hearts, and you can feel it. It is wonderful to exchange ideas with like-minded people – the inspiration is always mutual. The group meditations help to concentrate and increase everybody’s strength and make it easier to reach a higher consciousness.
Where it always had wanted me to be
by Yasovati Steirer
Graz, Austria
My name is Yasovati. I am 75 years old and work a few hours a day in a store in Graz run by Sri Chinmoy's students. I was first directed towards meditation by a severe illness that signaled a need for change. I joined a meditation group, and read everything necessary to become settled in that group and learned many things, but I was still searching for true happiness.
One day I saw a poster about a meditation workshop given by a disciple of Sri Chinmoy. At the workshop I felt something completely new: bubbling joy that only kept growing. My mind had many reservations. I thought, what am I getting myself into? Thank God my heart was stronger – it immediately said yes to everything!
The most beautiful time of my life began, probably because my soul had finally got me where it always had wanted me to be: in the care of my Master Sri Chinmoy, whose love, compassion and concern I have no words to describe. Sri Chinmoy teaches in silence, inwardly, but one can feel that many things are happening.
I have learnt much from Sri Chinmoy, had many experiences, seen new things, discarded old ways. It is a long process. It takes a while for our own imperfections to become so evident that we are ready to give them up. The Master enables us to work towards our own transformation, and that is very satisfying. We just have to be aware that it is a constant up-and-down movement. One does not become good overnight. Patience, discipline, perseverance and determination: these qualities we need in abundant measure.
He has also brought to the fore my gratitude while making me see and feel how he is changing my bad qualities into good ones. It is the most beautiful experience of my life to have seen and known a being who embodies my highest ideals, is unparalleled in beauty, purity and sincerity in all his actions, goes beyond all boundaries and cannot be conceived and ascertained by our mind. I am infinitely grateful to know that I have been under the wise guidance of this wonderful Master, Sri Chinmoy, for over 20 years.
What I had been searching for
by Sarita Earp
Halifax, Canada
It probably all started consciously when I was nine years old. I was inspired to go to church every week. As my family slept I dressed myself in Sunday clothes and went to the closest church – not Anglican, which my family was, but it was close to walk to. When I was 16 years old, I was still attending church. One Sunday during a prayer, my inner voice cried, "I want to understand!"
Over the next six years, I was seeking and at the same time trying to be happy in all the usual outer ways. During university I became interested in meditation and took a course. When I was 21, my inner voice told me that if I was not happy then I would never be happy.
The search continued, but obviously it was not yet my time. They say when the disciple is ready the Master appears. After a year travelling in Europe, I was working in a café in a tiny Swiss village. One day in the mail I received two letters from two sets of friends – the first I had heard from these friends since I had left Nova Scotia. When I opened the letters, I was astonished to read that both sets of friends had Gurus! The first Guru did not resonate with me, but when Sri Chinmoy's picture fell out of the second letter, I reacted strongly to it. And when they said their Guru was Sri Chinmoy, I said to myself, "I wonder if he could be my Guru?" Then my mind responded, "You have to find your own Guru."
Later, however, when I went up to my room, I posted the photo on my board. When I left the village to continue travelling, that letter with its photo came with me in my backpack. On a train between Spain and Portugal, as the miles and hours were rolling by, I had a revelation about life: no matter the country, with its variations in language, customs, dress, culture, everybody is born, grows up, usually has a family, works and dies, and in the process tries to be as happy as possible. At that point, I felt I was ready to go home.
A few weeks later I was in London, England, on my way back to Canada. I felt a void – not a loneliness, but a total inner emptiness. Intuitively, I knew that I was going to start a whole new way of life, though I did not know what it was going to be.
The morning after I landed back in Halifax, as I was walking downtown, I saw a poster advertising a film – "A Day in the Life of a Spiritual Master" with Sri Chinmoy. I immediately decided, I was going to see that. During the film there is a scene where Guru is sitting in a room in his house meditating. The close-up shot of him was so powerful that I felt pressed into the back of the chair and knew that something was really going on. At the end of the film, I did not want to talk.
Soon after I started coming to the meditations, and then asked to be a disciple. When I got the photo taken in one of those photo booths, I inwardly said to Guru, "If you don’t accept me, I don’t know what I will do." I had finally found what I had been searching for all those years. And 34 years later, I still say the same thing.
My inner calling
by Purnakama Rajna
Winnipeg, Canada
I had been living and teaching in a small mining town nine hours north of where I now reside, Winnipeg. I had been in this town for about four years, and had been deeply spiritually seeking while I was there. This town was very isolated and remote, so I would often drive on weekends to the nearest large city and browse the bookstores for anything related to spirituality. I read books from all different paths, from Taoism to New Age philosophy, but the more I read, the deeper my hunger grew.
After four years of teaching school, spiritually seeking, and making my jaunts to the city for my spiritual fix, an inner feeling came over me so powerfully that it was clear that I had to leave my safe little town and move to Winnipeg, a larger city, to find – I wasn’t sure what. I had no idea how this would happen. I didn’t know a single person in Winnipeg. I didn’t have a job there, or a place to live, and I was currently living nine hours away from there, but in an incredible leap of faith I took a leave of absence from my job, and then the universe took over, and set what was to be my new life in motion.
Within a week of making the decision to leave, with only a couple of inquiry phone calls, I had a job in my field waiting for me in Winnipeg. Also, with only one phone call, I had my dream apartment. I had prayed about where I wanted to live, and I had asked for a nice apartment in a house with a nice family, in a particular area of the city, so that I would feel safe and not so alone, as I didn’t know anyone in the city. I was given exactly that.
With all of my living arrangements settled, I started packing up my things, but two weeks before I actually moved, I made one last trip to the city where I bought all of my spiritual books, and found one book that for some reason appealed to me. It was the only book in the whole store by this author, and I loved his picture on the back cover, so I bought it.
One month later, finally having settled in Winnipeg, I saw a poster for a free meditation class. At first I just glanced at it without giving it a second thought. Then, later that night when I was at home, I got a strong message to go and find that poster, which I did the next day. I went to the class a week later. It was then that I realised that the book I had bought a month earlier was written by the same author whose books I was perusing in the class. I got an inner thrill as I had this realisation, and I knew I was in the right place. The book I had bought was by Sri Chinmoy: Garden of the Soul.
I immediately applied to be a disciple when the class was over, and the rest, as they say, is history. Looking back now, I see and feel how my life was absolutely divinely led, as soon as I made the decision to follow my inner calling.
In the Whirlwind of Life
I was not overly drawn to spirituality as a youth, except for a distant feeling that I would like to spend some time in a monastery one day. I was blessed with a childhood that seems exceptional these days: full of love, joy and happiness. I studied geology at university and basically was more or less happy, though somehow the real purpose of my life seemed to elude me. I was happy but not satisfied. I was doing well in sports and in my studies, but that didn’t seem to provide any real, lasting satisfaction.
After studying for two years I decided to take half a year off and travel around by myself in Australia, New Zealand and South East Asia. In a second-hand bookstore in Australia I had my first experience of something beyond the confines of everyday life as I was strangely drawn towards a book by the Hare Krishna movement. The experience repeated itself in New Zealand some weeks later with a book from the same series. This was getting intriguing! Their philosophy appealed to me and I gave the local Hare Krishna Ashram a call asking whether I could come and spend some time there. That did not seem to be possible so I decided not to go.
However, as I was hiking the various long-distance trails of the South Island of New Zealand by myself, I had a wonderful experience one day. I was walking the ‘Abel Tasman Track’ and by the end of the afternoon reached a beautiful beach. There was no one around for miles and I had been walking by myself in silence for almost a day. I was in a serene mood that was nurtured by the sun slowly setting. Suddenly there were many dolphins very close to the shore. They were surfing on the waves. I was thrilled! I threw off my big backpack, took off my clothes and jumped in the water. The dolphins swam away, though, and slightly disappointed I returned to the beach. When I was halfway through drying myself, the dolphins reappeared and I gave it a second chance, getting back into the water.
This time the dolphins didn’t go away. They didn’t allow me to touch them but they were all around me, less than a metre away, singing their high-pitched songs. It struck something in me. I was drunk with joy. I was raving like a madman in the water and it seemed a long time until the dolphins swam away. That was the first time in my life I experienced real joy, and the search for more had started. After a few more months of travelling by myself with lots of time to wonder and ponder about life, I went back to Holland.
The second day after my return I was approached in the street by a girl from the Hare Krishna movement. I talked a little with her and bought the book she was selling. I had to follow the Hare Krishna lead the Universe was offering, it seemed. I read the book and even wrote a letter to the swami who had written it. The letter was pretty presumptuous, I am afraid, but the swami figured out who must have sold the book to me and asked the girl to contact me. She called me one day and invited me to come with her and some others to ‘Radhadesh’, one of their big temples in Belgium. We would meet at their temple in Amsterdam and then go together to Belgium by car. As I entered their temple in Amsterdam in the morning, I saw the girl who had sold me the book sitting in a corner of the room threading small flowers together into a garland for Sri Krishna. The love and devotion with which she was working left a huge impression on me. I instinctively knew I also had this kind of love and devotion within me; I just had to find a way to express it.
The rest of the trip to Belgium was in every way a disaster, although Radhadesh was beautiful and some of the disciples really inspired me. I was making one mistake after another and started to feel more and more uncomfortable. I remember following the girl I knew into the women’s dining room to have lunch with her. I hadn’t noticed it was ‘women only’ until I was told in no uncertain terms to get out of there by an older lady. Another time I was loudly saying 'Enjoy your meal!' when everyone had just started meditating on their food. A whole lot more things like that happened. I left after one day to go home by myself. I was absolutely devastated; I was crying sincerely. I knew I had found what I wanted in life: to lead a spiritual life. However, this path was not meant to be mine.
I decided to study comparative religion in university, along with geology. It was in that department a few months later that I saw this absolutely tiny leaflet on a big poster board, among hundreds of other flyers, about a lecture by the Sri Chinmoy Centre. I went there in the beginning of 1999. The lecture was very nice and I felt very much at home. However, since I had been the only one coming that evening, there would be no meditation course the following evening. I went home with Sri Chinmoy’s book Meditation and the phone number of the person who gave the class in my agenda. I was so happy when I rode my bike home! It seemed there was no reason for it, but I was feeling absolutely elated. The weeks following the lecture I started cancelling all activities in the evening and would only read the book on meditation. Trying out some of the exercises felt a little odd, though. For months I kept calling the classgiver, but somehow there was never a new meditation course starting.
Finally there would be a course starting in Den Haag, the city where I grew up and where my parents still lived. I decided to travel there once a week to follow the course. Unfortunately, the first evening I showed up at the wrong place. After waiting for almost an hour I realised that I had gone to the wrong address. At that moment I almost decided to drop the whole matter. I was already on my way home when this tiny little voice in my head said: "If you keep giving up like this, you will never get anywhere in life." I had the correct address with me, but I didn’t know where it was. So I decided to phone my mother from a telephone booth and ask her to look on a map and explain it to me.
I arrived that evening at the meditation course more than one hour late, but it felt like coming home. That feeling basically never left me. Not only did the meditation techniques of Sri Chinmoy provide a definite sense of happiness, but my life had finally found its meaning in the pursuit of enlightenment or God-realisation, as Sri Chinmoy calls it. Finally all the pieces of my life seemed to fit together! I didn’t hesitate for a second when asked whether I wanted to become a disciple of Sri Chinmoy. I didn’t have a clear picture in mind about the relationship between the Master and the disciple, but I was absolutely determined not to let go of this new horizon that had opened up before me.
Somehow the first time I gave my application to become a disciple of Sri Chinmoy, the form got stuck in someone’s mailbox or something like that and it didn’t reach Sri Chinmoy. However, a few days later I had a life-changing experience. I was lying in bed one evening when I suddenly felt a strong presence in my room. It didn’t feel bad, but it didn’t feel good, either. I was afraid and stiffened in my bed. Then this presence entered my body and suddenly my world was upside down. Something raced from the bottom of my spinal column into my brain and I had an intuitive vision of a huge book, like a medieval Bible. A page of the book was turned and I was completely overwhelmed by an all-knowing feeling. It lasted only moments, but for those moments I understood everything of life and death. I didn’t see the book any longer; I had become the Universe, I had become knowledge itself. Truth filled and fulfilled me to the brim. Then, as suddenly as it had come, everything vanished and I was back in my bed, still uncertain of what had actually happened.
After this experience my meditations became deeper in sudden jumps and by October 1999 Sri Chinmoy accepted me formally as his disciple. The day he accepted me I was sitting on a train having (by my standards) a good meditation, when I saw a double rainbow with predominantly blue colours. I knew then that Sri Chinmoy had accepted me, although outwardly I heard only two days later.
I am immensely grateful to Sri Chinmoy for reaching out to me in the whirlwind of life. Up to this day I wonder at the seemingly small coincidences that led me eventually to him. The tiny leaflet, the soft voice in my head – I could have missed them so easily! But it seems when you are ready, your true Master pulls you towards him with an inevitability that not even death can match…
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